I should have known to stay away from men 

I should have known what the sign meant at Dollar General 

I should have known that it was gonna be painful to marry him

I should have known how to bake the cookies

I should have known telling an adult about the abuse would get me in trouble

I should have known sharing with him was gonna make life more painful 

I should have known that adding water to oil doesn’t extinguish an oil fire 

I should have known that people aren’t safe 

I should have known that they just wanted sex 

I should know what to do next 

I should know that not all people want me 

I should have known to stay out of the barn 

I should have known that God wouldn’t show up

I should have known that i wasn’t gonna have a natural birth 

I should have known not to be born 

I should know how to communicate 

I should know how to care for my children 

I should know how to be in a relationship 

I should know all things to keep me safe 

I should know how to please everyone 

And the list goes on…..

How can you know something when you’ve never been taught?
Who says you have to know?
Who created the rules for knowing? 
What is the story behind each “I should have known”?

As I look at this list, I realize it left no room for me to be human. It demanded perfection. There was no space for learning, because the rule said I should already know.

It took real relationship out of the equation entirely; being right became more important than being present. And the heaviest part? I realized I had put this on Father, too. I believed that They were looking down at me, thinking I should already know.